Sprint Limited

Sprint Unlimited


For busy people:

1. Sprint told me to use less than 5G per month or they would cancel my “Sprint Unlimited” account.
2. Sprint later canceled my account due to “Excessive Roaming”, but roaming is shut off on my phone.
3. According to Sprint, using Netflix on your phone can get you kicked off their network.

For slackers:
Have you seen the awesome Sprint commercial where the phones race up a wall? AT&T and Verizon fly up and hit a ceiling at 2G (because their crappy plans charge you extra after that.) T-Mobile keeps flying and sputters later because they throttle at 10G with their best plan. Sprint, however, blows through all the barriers and zooms into space! Well, if space represents your phone being canceled, then I must say the commercial is accurate.

I’ll be honest, my phone sucked down data like they were doughnuts at a policeman’s ball. I used my phone for everything. I have no tv, cable or DSL. I don’t even have a radio. My phone was my entire entertainment system. I watched Netflix, youtube, fell asleep while streaming Slacker, and download a butt ton (slightly more than a metric ton) of podcasts. I treated my data plan like it was an Occupy Protester at UC Davis. I didn’t worry about it though because I had “Unlimited” and had seen the commercials. Screw AT&T, Verizon and T-Mobile, not even the sky’s the limit for me!

Well, like a Russian satellite, I didn’t last long in space. In November Sprint called me and told me that I was using too much data, and needed to use less, or they would disconnect me. Obviously, I was confused. The conversation went something like this.

“You need to use less data”

“I have Unlimited”

Yes I know, but that’s a normal unlimited, you use way too much.”

“Umm, I thought ‘Unlimited’ meant that I could use ‘unlimited’ data”

“It does, but you use too much”.

“So it’s not unlimited”

“No it’s unlimited data, you just use too much data.”

I’m not one to give up easy, so this conversation went on for several minutes. Rather than reiterate the whole thing from memory, you can get the gist of it HERE. Of course the Abbot and Costello clip actually makes some logical sense. I don’t think Sprint ever did. In the end, however, I agreed to use less than the amount she suggested, which was 5 gig.

At that point I thought about writing this, but who has the time? My phone worked, and soon I forgot the whole ordeal. It was good times again.

Fast forward two months, and I’d completely forgot about my Sprint interaction. I called my wife before I hopped onto a flight to LA for some campus recruiting. When I landed, I promptly turned my phone back on. I needed to coordinate with colleagues coming in on different flight.

The first call went like this, “Ring, ring, ring, ring … your account could not be validated” I wondered what was wrong with my colleague's phone. Maybe it’s because he’s still in the air. So I called someone else, but the same thing happened. I then realized it was my phone. Not long after that, I found that LAX has no WIFI, and payphones aren’t on every corner. I was no longer happy.

I wasn’t able to coordinate with anyone, and several people on the recruiting team were trying to reach me. Eventually, I found a payphone and let someone know my phone was dead. I caught a taxi, but not before I wasted a bunch of people's time wondering what the heck was going on. Prior to this I could at least hold the illusion that the recruiting team had some respect for me. Now there was no doubt what they thought of me:

Now you might think that the moment I contacted Sprint they looked into my account and saw something like, “This dipshit uses more than unlimited data”. If you thought that, you’d be wrong. I spent hours via chat, and a hotel phone trying to figure out what was wrong. At one point they told me that my phone was shut off because of “excessive roaming”. I told them that was not possible, because I have roaming shut off.  I know this with 100% certainty, because I had another recruiting trip where my phone did not work. This trip was in Canada, and I forgot roaming was shut off, so nobody could reach me. Here’s what that recruiting team thought of me:

In the middle of working through their gauntlet, while I was chatting with a clueless Sprint representative I got an automated email from Sprint:

“
Dear User,


A device has been removed from your profile .


Best Regards,

Team Sprint
 “

I’m no detective, but I had a good guess which “device” they were referring too. Of course this was news to the Sprint Employee I was talking with. After a couple of transfers, I was told I needed to call another number, which they could not transfer me to. So I called the magic number that can’t be transferred to and wait … and wait … and wait. FINALLY someone answers, but it was worth the wait, for now I had found the man with the answers.

Why was my phone “removed”?

It’s “The Protocols”. Yes, those pesky protocols had infected my phone forcing Sprint to expel it like white blood cells on a virus.

Protocols?” I ask, “What protocols?”.

With the eloquence of the late great Ted “The Tubes” Stevens, he tells me of “The Protocols”. He lists apps that use the said evil “Protocols”, but nothing that I have installed on my phone. I tell him that I don’t have those apps, and he tells me that those are just examples. I might have another application lurking on my phone that uses “The Protocols”.

“Hmm” I can hear the hamster wheels spinning through the phone, “I see here that you use a lot of data, maybe you have something that uses the protocols, what do you have installed that uses so much data.”

I tell him what I use it for and he stops me at Netflix. “Ohhhh, Nexflix. Netflix uses the protocols.”

I tell him “My wife uses Netflix, and nobody’s complained. I’m sure a lot of people use Nexflix.”

To which he replied, “Well, maybe she doesn’t use it as much.”

Now I think I’m getting close to the real answer, “So, I use it too much? The last person I talked to from Sprint said that I used too much data even though I have an unlimited plan. She said that I should use less than 5 gig. Did I go over 5 gig?”.

The force is strong with this one, and he clings to his script like a seat cushion after a water landing. “Oh, I see that in the notes. She was confused. She thought you had another plan, but it was the protocols”.

I went back and forth with him, on how she could not possibly have been confused, but it made no difference. His script says “The Protocols” and that was final.

“So now what?” I ask.

“By law, we have to reactivate your phone so that you can transfer your number. I’ll reactivate your phone so you can do that. Turn off your phone for ten minutes, and then turn it back on. Your phone will work until the end of the month.”

At this point we’re done. I hang up the hotel phone and turn off my cell phone. Ten minutes later do you think my phone works? What about 20 minutes, or an hour, or a day later? Ever? … Bonus question: Do you think Sprint billed me $20 for phone reactivation on the phone they didn’t reactivate?

Now I don’t like to complain without suggestions for improvement. I’m not a customer service expert, but I have a few ideas that could be useful.

Hey Sprint, this part is for you.

1. Why not let your customers know that they’re using “The Protocols”
1. Maybe replace some of the marketing messages you send with messages that say, “Did you know that you’re using “The Protocols?”” Maybe you could even include a link to some application that you know have “The Protocols”. If possible, a technical person could write it. Maybe even someone that knows what they're talking about. That’d be a plus.
2. Replace some of the marketing messages you put in the menu on my phone. Instead of, “Hey get this new…” you could put, “There’s a disturbance in the force. I’m sensing that you’re using the protocols”.
3. Maybe you could replace some of you text marketing messages you send me … … You know, maybe you should have your marketing team talk with your team that removes devices. If I crash landed on a deserted island, your marketing department would know how to reach me.
2. When it’s too late and you’ve made the decision to remove a device, maybe you could send an email that says something like, “Hey, we’re killing your phone in 7 days and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 
1. That way people can be prepared.
2. You won’t have to deactivate and reactivate, which is apparently too much for you to handle.
3. After you deactivate someone’s phone, legitimate or not, maybe you should pass that information into your general system.
1. Your customers can avoid multiple transfers and have the pointless “The Protocols” conversation in the first 10 minutes, instead of waiting 90 minutes for the punch line.
2. This saves the customer time, so they can more quickly scramble to find a work around.
3. This saves your employee’s time, so they can give more people poor service.
4. Your marketing department will stop congratulating me on my new devices, and telling me what a great customer I am.

I hope that was helpful Sprint. BTW, I checked and Netflix does not have the “Protocol”